Ever since Thanksgiving I have suffered from a slight low-grade bad mood. I figured it was because I have been just the tiniest bit overworked with the extra holiday parties to cater. Just a touch of tiredness and feeling overwhelmed.
But the feeling persisted in spite of anticipating the holiday break. I finally decided enough was enough and I pulled this bad mood out of the dark and shone the bright light of day on it. I realized that what I was feeling was dread.
Now I have a full-time job that while doesn't pay as much as I would like, pays enough for me to keep the bills paid, oxygen in my tank, food on the table and the numerous pets fed. As I continued to scrutinize my bad feelings, I realized they were from the past. In past years, I did not have a full time job. I did not make enough money and both money and time seemed to be in scarce supply. There were times when food wasn't as plentiful as I would have preferred.
This year, not only do I have a holiday break, but I have worked long enough to accrue vacation pay. So, for the first time, I will have a paid holiday. I just received an order of glass to keep me occupied. My house is already fairly tidy after this morning's whirlwind cleaning session. And I can go buy whatever I want to prepare in the way of special holiday meals.
I am glad that I took the time to decipher my bad feelings. I am now looking forward to the Christmas break with anticipation, gratitude, and the realization that I will have plenty of time to accomplish all that I want to do.